I know exactly what you are feeling right now. These feelings are what kept me alive the last years. I have been living with the tide, I have been living with a volcano erupting in me but I had to hide it from everyone. From one person in particular as HE can never know that I have been loving them, loving them more. I have lived with this heavy secret and I had no one to share it with. I feel for you, the torture, the obsession of wanting to be with someone, wanting to share everything with him. I will never change I will always wish for something different, something that makes me feel alive, makes me feel like I am worth it. I feel for you and with my experience I know it is only an illusion and you maybe already found the ONE! But life likes you taking different ways and patterns, life tests you until you realise. Maybe it is true or not, but in the end no matter what I say, you are the one deciding. I will always be there for you though. No matter how you are no matter what you feel. Dear friend I will always be there.